I don't mean to look a gift house in the mouth,but I have had some serious issues since I was lucky enough to get to contribute to the NYTimes.com.
I mean, sure it has been really great to go from having an average of like 40 people read my blog to something like 8 or 9 hundred for a couple of days, but I still wonder if this was all worth it. First of all, I am used to blogging by now, and that is what I was told that I would be doing over there. You know, you write something down and keep going until the idea bares fruit and then you push the PUBLISH BUTTON, and boom! You are done. At NYTimes, they actually edit what I wrote. They have people who come back and ask questions. They want facts, or for me to elaborate. The sad truth is I hardly even proof read once before I click...
I tend to think that what I do as a writer is supposed to be fun or spontaneous. But OK. It is a newspaper. There is a certain amount of news that they expect. So I can live with that.
But then there were the comments. Boy I thought I had much thicker skin than I obviously do because I was really taken a back by what I got. I mean from the cabal of AA memebers who either wanted me to join a meeting or just assumed that I go, to the people who actually belittle my efforts as an artist and my stupidity for writing that there is no difference between a shrink and a psychic (DUH! That was Fun-ny you moron) to the positive folks who thanked me for saving their lives that day...Whoa. I am not really ready for all of this. And look, I know that I send out my blog and push the little button and it feels good. I already admitted that. But I don't rip people up and then push SEND. Have a little self editing and empathy for christ's sake. I mean the Times demands that I use an editor, why not ask others to do a little homework, too.
ANyway- I am done complaining here. I just needed to vent and I am sorry for taking advantage of anyone who has actually read all of this. It was cathartic. And I am really trying to be humorous and entertaining. Whether I write about alcohol or anything, that is what I am trying to do. I am just trying to find something to hang onto, to find that glimmer of hope or joy; to keep life feeling a little bit romantic. That is all. I wish people didn't take stuff so seriously.
Just wait until they see the next installment for the NYTimes...If I don't watch out, there is going to a candlelight vigil outside my window held by the AA local. I mean, I really liked drinking. It was fun. I guess I was lucky enough not to cause any real harm before I moved on. That's just the way I feel.