Monday, October 6, 2008

My Greatest Weakness

For months now I have been treating my liver like it is a precious pet or pampered show dog.
I've had her on a special diet and taken great care to make sure she's getting all the spa treatments that I can provide. Acupuncture and yoga moves that gently massage her as I'd been encouraging her to health. After years of poison and hard work, I've made it so she hardly has to work at all as I've only given her clean, pure water and vegetables and the occasional soy treat. That all came to a crashing halt this weekend. Even after I 'd been to a bacchanal karaoke birthday bash on Friday night and somehow managed to navigate myself past all of the wines and beers and margaretas and spirits without drinking, I was finally done in on Saturday by what turns out to be my greatest weakness of all.... Free-give-aways.
I live near a Whole Foods market in Manhattan and outside there were these pleasant young women standing around giving away FOR FREE, their new product. A totally tempting and now forbidden fruit. Coffee. In this case, POM X Ice Coffee. I didn't want one. I wasn't thirsty. But they were free...I took one and carried it home. Under the guise that it was a gift for my wife. But when I arrived at home to an empty house that little brown jug started to naw at my psyche. I am after all, weak.
I drank it. It was delicious. I immeadiatly got a head ache and adrenaline rush and felt uncomfortably wonderful in a way I had not known for months.
This morning, Monday morning, all I can think about is coffee. Ice coffee. Feeling awake. Alive! I want to live again!!
Oh Liver! I am so sorry! 
Anyway- I just needed to get all of this out of my system. I am stronger than this. I can get myself right back on track. Just so long as I don't run into anyone giving away free cups of espresso anytime soon.
David Kramer


Lorrie Veasey said...

could you not get the same gratification from a little chamomille tea? I've always thought that coffee smells EXACTLY like cat piss. Seriously: come over and smell my cat box if you doubt.

And BTW: weren't FREE GIVE AWAYS one of the ways many of us started smoking? As in "Now I have this mini box of Merit cigarettes-might as well smoke em if I got em?"

david kramer said...

As I always say to anyone who complains about a smelly litter box- Call your landlord!
Anyway- I am into Darjeiling

J@simpleposie said...

When, oh when will they give us drinks and foods we can consume in whatever quantities we want whenever we want without subjecting our innards to undue duress? Everyone over here had the flu recently. We were suddenly, violently purified by default. And we became deeply suspicious of everything except ginger ale and stoned wheat thins for about two weeks after. I mean it.

You are too funny David Kramer.