Thursday, October 30, 2008

SELF-IMAGE PROBLEM


Over the summer, when I got really sick, I didn't want to eat any food. My liver was fucked up and I was having trouble digesting. I had trouble going to the bathroom; it seemed like when I was in there I was more like excreting shit and piss, than I was taking one. I was horrified by my body functions and pretty much lost my appetite.This went on for weeks, and I joked with my wife that finally I was dieting the way that I wanted to; pushing plates away after only half eating my small portions. I still didn't loose any weight.
I remember at the height of my sickness I went to see the doctor, and he gave me a physical and asked me to step up onto the scale. "Don't bother taking your shoes or cloths off..." he said. I told him my shoes must have weighed at least 5-10 pounds. And my wallet! He said not to worry about it and I got on the scale and tipped it well over 200 pounds. I was like, 'hey that's not possible...'

Recently I have been feeling really great. My health seems like it is normal and finally I have the energy and optimism that had been missing for months. I have had my appetite back, but I am not eating meat nor drinking gallons of beer every night like I used to. I am not eating big plates of savory, greasy foods to compensate for my hangover. I've been watching my weight still. I've been taking power walks with my wife 4-5 times a week and we are even talking about carrying along full liter bottles of Evian to add onto the exercise routine. People keep telling me I look so healthy. Which is nice. But, people keep asking me if I lost weight... Well, the answer is 'No.' Not only haven't I lost any weight, I weigh just about exactly what I weighed before all of this. I mean pretty much exactly the same. So I am wondering just how fat I must have looked in people's selective memory since everyone things I look so much thinner now even though I haven't lost a pound. I keep wondering, when people are thinking of me in their homes or cars, and wondering about me, do they say to themselves, "Oh yea, Kramer...I wonder how that Fat David Kramer is doing..." or do they say, "He's a good guy...too bad about his weight problem..." I mean if people keep on asking me if I lost weight and I haven't lost a pound, does that just mean that I have seared an image of me as a giant tub-o-lard in their mental photo album. It is distressing. I am wondering what I can do to change this perception. I mentioned this to my wife recently. She said, "No honey... You're not fat..." Later she'll say something like " you should start wearing vertical stripes. That always seems to look good on you."

I just wish that I could be a quick with the positive responses than she is when she asks me such difficult questions.

But from here on out, vertical stripes are the 'New Black' at least in my repertoire.

4 comments:

Lorrie Veasey said...

I've always thought of you as MUSCULAR Mr. Kramer. And I know you think of me as zoftig, or maybe even Rubenesque-so we don't need to go there......

Alby Mangroves said...

I've got a self-image problem too. It has probably got something to do with my body making room for two kids (although sadly, not at the same time, because I might be getting some sleep by now) and then, disagreeably, not springing back into shape like Angelina Jolie's or Jessica-Bloody-Alba's. But don't worry David, I think that as we get older, we care less and less :) Thanks for stopping by my blog !

kip said...

I have never once thought of you as fat. You do look great. I do know what you mean, however. people ask me if i've lost weight, when i clearly have not, and that is because they cannot think of anything else that would make me feel good. i guess i am a big tub o lard, therefore a weight loss compliment will make me feel really good.

Bj in Dallas said...

You probably look DIFFERENT, because of being healthier, and they just can't put their finger on it....
Super D (my mom) always says look at them and say "Yes! I have, thank you" even if you've gained 5 pounds since you saw them