Monday, November 24, 2008


To any of you readers out there who are in retail, I am warning you, don't read any further because you probably are going to just get mad at me. For the rest, here goes my rant:

I hate the Christmas shopping season, it is the worst thing of all about this time of year. I hate how stores start putting up Christmas decorations right after Thanksgiving, and I hate even more how Thanksgiving is to most retailers, a chance to get folks to carbo-load so they can have the energy up to shop like made on the Friday after. Today I heard on the radio spot for Kohl's Department Store saying that they will be opening their doors at 4:30 am on the Friday after Thanksgiving.
4:30 AM IN THE MORNING! Who the fuck is going to show up to the store on that day at that time? What? You want to avoid the crowds???. NO, if you show up at 4:30 in the morning to shop, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.

Maybe it is because I am Jewish and grew up n a Ghettoized Jewish town, but I never paid much attention to Christmas. To me it was mostly annoying. Particularly the commercials and the music that gets piped into the stores. I am in general a generous person. But force me to buy gifts because of some "holiday" and I turn into a total prick Mr. Scrooge. I will do whatever it takes to avoid acknowledging the holiday. One time I even got a job working on Christmas eve. I got hired to build a set for a TV commercial, and the shoot was right after Christmas. We had to work right through the night to get the job done on time to the shoot. We had the radios blasting away playing classic rock and the commercials were all for Christmas sales and specials right through the evening. Then, as midnight rolled around and Christmas eve turned to Christmas day, like clockwork, the radio commercials immediately change from Xmas to
POST-holiday sales at the stroke of midnight. If I already wasn't completely jaded about the real meaning of Christmas, this would have converted me for good.

Anyway- I am just ranting over here. Preparing myself for the worse. I know I will get through this season as I have done every year prior, without going postal.
Before all that stuff has to start, let me just wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving. We'll worry about the shopping later.


Anonymous said...

And yet, some morons will indeed show up for those early morning openings, only to find themselves just another face in the crowd. And it isn't just right after Thanksgiving anymore. I've seen Christmas shit go up just after Halloween.

Spatula said...

I fucking hate cocksucking Christmas.

I'm usually not this profane, but that is actually a *restrained* version of how I feel about the whole thing. It is beyond manipulative and stupid. And I grew up in the Soviet Union, so it's completely meaningless to me as a concept.

kip said...

You know, I've never said a bad thing about the art world. This cuts me deep.

david kramer said...

MORSE-I have to laugh.

Spatula- What a mouth on your keyboard. That is impressive.

And Kip---I told you not to read on.
Nothing personal.Curse me out all the way to the bank....

Robot Nine said...

I worked and managed retail- The Home Depot- for over a decade and I am not mad at you. You are SO RIGHT. In Houston Kohl's will open at 4AM, but most people will not get up at 3, they will go at 10 the night before and wait in line all night, LOL!!! Seriously. After ten years of incompetent, corrupt managers, big business chiseling away at family life by closing TWO days a year, scheduling meetings at 6 AM on a Sunday morning, and,,, ah Shit, now you got me pissed, You were right, only I'm not mad at you. Great post!

Liz said...

How's this for bad: we're Jews who celebrate xmas, which means all we do is use the day as an opportunity to exchange gifts no one wants or need, and for my mother to exact guilt from us because we are apparently horrible children. My therapist - a Buddhist Jew -- laughed at me and said, "why is it always my Jewish clients with the worst Christmas stories?"

I spent 2 hours on Saturday at the Eaton's Centre in Toronto because I had mismanaged my time to meet a friend for a movie and I wanted to kill myself upon entry, never mind two hours later. Then I wanted to move to the country.

My friend, Michael Redhill, hosts the best event ever on Xmas day. It's called Christmas for Jews and Losers. They all go to a movie and then for Chinese food. Sounds fucking perfect!

J@simpleposie said...

Hey Dave,
I've tagged you in a meme that was started by Mayhem


as an experiment - to find out if the blogosphere is as viral in 2008 as it used to be. To find out about, and/or participate in, the meme - you can go here

Lorrie Veasey said...

Just reading about that Walmart worked who got trampled to death this morning when the shoppers ripped the door off the hinges at 4:30 am. Unbelievable.

david kramer said...

Totally crazy....horrible.

Tom said...

I'm with you. But please can we all stop saying "5 am in the morning"?